MAD
by MetaMirage
Summary: Sakura and Sasuke learn it's easier to fall into blind hatred than love. Secrets, lies and painful truths backlight a horrendous divorce as they fight to keep their child out of the crossfire. However, soon they discover some things are harder to let go of than others. Eventual SasuSaku AU
1. Chapter 1: Ground Zero

'_Naruto' and 'Naruto Shippuden' are the property of Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo. _

* * *

**MAD**

**(Mutually Assured Destruction) **

**Chapter 1: Ground Zero**

* * *

**...  
**

**Sakura**

**...  
**

"_You know what they say about first love... get it over with as fast as possible." _

An old lady with peppered grey hair and sunken wrinkles said that to me when I was seventeen. I had my hand wrapped in my boyfriend's and forehead pressed against his shoulder. He was my first love, my first time, my first everything. And she wanted that to end?

"You are unbelievable Sasuke!"

I had called her a spiteful hag that would never understand.

"How many times are we going to go over this? You are an hour early!"

After all the fighting, pain and heartbreak I wish I could go back to that moment. I wish I could kiss that old woman's cheek and tell her that I agree entirely. First love is the worst love. Sasuke Uchiha was the worst love.

"I have no choice," I fire back before pinching the bridge of my nose. On the cusp of divorce the major part of the fighting should be over. I sorely wish it was. That moving into different homes and avoiding each other meant no contact all together. I push past my ex with tired frustration. Ignoring how the muscles flexed dangerously in his arm at my invasion. Sasuke's apartment is modest and impersonal. How typical of him to be unable to inject an ounce of warmth into a home he has been living in for over a year. "Where is she?"

He snarled when I found what we would spend the next fifteen years in bitter deadlock over. Sugar white skin, glossy liquorice black hair and thick full lashes adorning her huge dark eyes; this was our perfect little girl. This was Mai, our three year old daughter and the only good thing to come out of our marriage. I can't help but smile as she bops her head along to the show she is watching, tiny earphone buds nestled in her ears.

Then I remember I am on a tight schedule and ignore Sasuke's protests by walking over to her. She jumps a little when I touch her shoulder, completely oblivious to everything around her. But the second she sees me her face lights up.

"Mummy!" she coos as I scoop her up into a hug. She rests her head down on the crook of my neck, exhausted. It is clear she has not had her nap today and I send Sasuke a scathing glare. Wanting to spend time with her is fine but keeping her up because of it? That just isn't right.

I'm surprised when it is not returned and he instead looks downcast. "It's my day," he tries to reason and I'm so used to seeing him angry this new look stuns me. It takes me a few moments to get my bearings.

"Don't worry," I reply "It will go back to normal."

He darkens and I wonder how I ever could have fallen for someone so cold. I grab Mai's bag with my free hand and let her say goodbye.

* * *

"Grandma!"

Mai literally wiggles from my hold to get to her grandma. I give my mum a warm smile as she takes Mai by the hand before coming over to hug me. What would I do without her? At my age I should be supporting her not the other way around. Yet here she is taking care of my child like a mother again herself. "How'd it go?"

"Not great," I mutter and her lips purse in unspoken disapproval. I know what's coming and I really don't want to hear it.

She gives me an earnest look, "You should tell Sasuke."

I sigh. "Tell him what? We agreed he'd work while I keep studying. If he found out I was also trying to get a job he'd lose it."

I am thankful for Mai pulling at my mother's locket and distracting her for what would have been the inevitable lecture of, 'you're taking on too much', 'Sasuke is a lot of things but he's never denied you a cent' and 'honesty is the best policy'. Instead I am able to plant a quick kiss on both their cheeks and make a hurried departure. I need to be on time for my trial after all.

* * *

"Florescent lights in bathrooms should be made illegal," Ino pouted, obsessively reapplying lip gloss. "I look hideous."

I roll my eyes at the ludicrousness. Since fifth grade Ino has had boys drooling over her beautiful face, perfect figure and flawless skin. My best friend is anything but hideous.

"You look great," I retort before studying myself in the reflection. She might actually be on to something about the fluorescence. I swear every single pimple, scar and blemish I have had since adolescence has returned all at once. The bags under my eyes, badges from late nights studying, seem darker and my hair appears flat.

"How did the trial go?"

I look away quickly; only really liking the brilliant shade of green the light had made my eyes. "Good. They told me I made it to the second round."

"That's great!" she says brightly. I smile at her. It is her connections that have set me up with this reception position. I wonder if I am ever going to stop owing her. We both leave the bathroom and I attempt to balance my many textbooks when we make it into the university cafeteria. I have one class left which unfortunately finishes at 9pm. Today has been a long day.

"I better get going," I say. Both of us laugh at the awkward hug we are forced to give so we can still balance our books. "See you tomorrow."

* * *

The whirling of washing machines and the tumble of the dryers begin to grate against my ears. It's hard to focus on the magazine across my lap. Mai grips at the leg of my sweatpants and asks me for a drink. I help her tip back the water bottle gently, afraid she might spill it.

For some reason promises float into my mind. The unspoken one I made to my daughter to always be there for her. Sasuke when he proposed. Finally the one I made to my father. He told me to see the world and search for myself out there to chase down whatever made me happy. I wouldn't give up Mai for anything but I allow myself a moment to picture a different life for myself at 22. One where I had taken the abroad university scholarship I was offered and concentrating on the best education possible. There was no divorce looming over me. How could there be when I didn't even know who I really was yet? My Dad told me to get out of this city.

Then that dream dissolved, nothing everlasting about it. I am back in a Laundromat at 6 in the morning, Seasonal Recipes spread across my lap and a baby playing at my feet. There is no band around my finger, no happily ever after.

What happened?

* * *

**...  
**

**Sasuke**

**...  
**

Life is like deep sea compression. It crushes, constricts and drowns you. I work two jobs for a shoebox apartment. I struggle to pay off house payments and university fees for some bitch I hate. It feels like the pressure is attacking me from all sides.

"Look daddy!" a voice chirped excitedly. "A duck!"

Well that feeling is completely erased every moment I spend with my daughter. She is my reason and I would do anything for her. I nod back as she points out a fat wandering duck that has fallen asleep far from the pond. We both stop our walk to stare. She watches the duck but I keep an eye on her just to make sure she doesn't go over to try and wake it. The last thing we need is a repeat of the swan incident.

"What colour is the duck?" I ask her.

"Brown," she says back "mine's yellow!" She looks up at me quickly with a little shake of her head.  
"But not a real duck."

I nod, "That's right." She's so clever. I'd love to take the credit but really that's Sakura shining through. She's always reading, counting and playing word games with her. Mai just eats it all up. I tried to stop thinking about Sakura but my brain was already racing. I ground my teeth irritably. I'm half expecting her to be there when we get back to the apartment. Considering she destroyed our marriage I think I should have the most time with Mai. I darken further at the thought of Lee.

I am jolted from my thoughts when a little hand finds its way to mine and squeezes gently. I feel my body relax as Mai smiles up at me. I brush my fingertips through her fringe and murmur, "You're the only girl for me."

* * *

So Sakura is there when I get back WITH the step-monster. They both set me with green-eyed glares when I make a beeline for my car. I'm not putting up with this.

"Come on Mai let's go for a drive."

"Sasuke!" was shouted and I almost kick myself for once enjoying the way she said my name. Now it's more like nails on a chalkboard. Her talons are on my back just before I can click Mai into her seat. I turn on her coolly, enjoying the way her furious face gets redder and redder at my deadpan expression. '_You don't feel anything do you Sasuke?' 'It's so hard to communicate with you!' 'Just talk to me, please!'_ Boo-freaking-hoo.

"Are you really going to do this in front of your daughter?" she manages to bite out. Again I am wrong for fighting and not her. I wish I could smack her off that pedestal she put herself on.

"No. I'm going to do this in front of my daughter in two hours. At the time _we_ agreed you would pick her up," I retort lazily.

"Well the time has changed," she grounds out and I don't remember agreeing to that so ignore it. However I cannot ignore the sound of a car door shutting and the sight of the step-monster with my daughter in her hands. She must have snuck in through the passenger door while Sakura distracted me. Is this why they ambushed me? Anger bore from betrayal rips through my body at their sneaky underhanded tactics.

I snarl. "Put her down." Sakura barks at me for scaring Mai with my tone. I'm not!

"Sakura has told me all about you," the step-monster replies curtly and you know what? I'm sick of this.

"Did your wonderful daughter also tell you she gave me a STD after sleeping with some other guy in our bed?" I question.

Sakura and her mother both look horrified and I wish I had a Polaroid. Her mother is disgusted and Sakura shrinks away at the truth she can never deny.

"Didn't think so," I say feeling a satisfaction I haven't in a long time. Everybody always makes me out to be the bad guy, even Naruto, but they don't know that Sakura was the one who cheated. She ruined our marriage. I didn't want to admit it out of pride but you know what, they deserve to know how much of a whore she is.

"Bye Mai," I say with a wave before stalking inside.

* * *

"And you are just telling me this now?" Naruto exasperates. After so much stunned silence that is the best he could come up with? I continue to hit the punching bag in an even rhythm, resisting the urge to land a well placed kick and throw him off balance. Anything to end this conversation I've avoided for almost a year.

"I guess," I reply. He sighs and I lay off enough for him to run a hand through his hair.

"Thanks for telling me," he breathes. He can't process anything but basic courtesies. It's understandable. I've shamed Sakura, a girl we grew up both idealising. It speaks to the sheer tenacity of our friendship that he didn't just start beating the shit out of me the moment I opened my mouth. He knows I'm not lying. He trusts me. "It explains how you've been acting."

I guess a good side to this is Naruto won't preach to me anymore. Tell me I'm being unreasonable with Sakura. I almost bite down on my tongue in anger when he keeps talking, "That's horrible, I'm sorry." I start hitting the punching bag with more force, making him focus on holding it still. I don't want his pity. It makes me sick.

"It's over," I pant out. My marriage. This conversation. I'm done.

"Who was it?"

And I stop dead.

"The guy she cheated with?" he pushes and I can't look my best friend in the eye. Anger flares up inside me.

"Leave it alone," I warn.

"You just said some trust fund kid from her class. Anyone I know?"

I snap back, "Leave it."

He ignores me. "Who?"

I am wound as tightly as my bound hands and am close to unravelling. I start shaking as if little electrical pinpricks of rage are coursing through every cell of my body. He wants to know so badly?

His blue eyes are steeled and ready. "Sasuke?"

Fine.

I unleash. Planting hit after hit on the punching bag and kicking it with enough force to send Naruto back. But he's not the one I am really hitting. A black anger possesses me and drives me into a frenzy. Such a long time and I can still smash the smug expression off his face and hear the satisfying crack of bone in his arms. I imagine sweat as blood as I beat unconsciousness.

Then the images are gone and I am back in the gym, my best friend at a safe distance, everyone else looking at me with newfound fear. Naruto is giving me that look again. Acting like the catalyst making me let go. I breathe in. Out.

Release.

"Get it," I answer.

* * *

I'm not sure how I'm feeling for once. I wander around the shopping centre, trying to distract myself with the ad-nauseum. Ultimately it felt good to get some of the residual rage out of my system. I'm more at peace and determined for my divorce. However all that fury working its way out of me has left me feeling empty and lost.

A little girl catches my miserable attention just shy of a fountain. She holds the hand of a blonde girl who looks far too young to be a mother. Then again her actual mother doesn't look old enough to be one either. Mai. What is she doing here? My mouth pressed into a hard line angrily. What is she doing here _without_ Sakura?

"Come on Mai!" is said brightly and Ino. That's Ino with my daughter. She stops in front of a window display and let go of Mai's hand in distraction. I curse Sakura. She took my daughter away from me just to pan her off on Ino? I grit my teeth furiously. Ino isn't even watching her! Anything could happen.

My thoughts are fast and murky. Yes, anything could happen. Someone could take Mai. I could take her. I am so incomprehensibly angry and it is aimed squarely at Sakura. For a month she has cut me short and this is what she has been doing...

Mai turns and I crouch down and hold out my arms but place a finger over my mouth for quiet. Instantly her face lights up and she runs over to me. Ino is none the wiser. I scoop Mai up and head for the store exit. I've had enough. That's it. I'm done.

We don't need anyone else.

"We are going to go far, far away," I murmur to my daughter softly as she blinks up at me. "Where they will _never_ find us."

* * *

_Confession: I love crazy, ridiculous who's-the-father-jilted-lovers melodrama. This story came about as a way of keeping the rest of my writing clean by venting all the angsty, overly-laboured prose I favour. The plot isn't the most imaginative but more character driven, focusing on giving both Sakura and Sasuke each a unique voice. Let me know if you'd like to see more of this rambling mess. _


	2. Chapter 2: Shrapnel

'_Naruto' and 'Naruto Shippuden' are the property of Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo. _

* * *

**MAD  
(Mutually Assured Destruction) **

**Chapter 2: Shrapnel **

* * *

**...**

**Sakura**

**...**

"MAI!"

I scream down the store. Run through every isle and dodge through the car park. I check every bathroom stall and blast my way through loading docks.

"MAI!"

My heart is beating out of control, body shaking and uncontrollable spasms stringing out my limbs.

"MAI!"

I want to vomit. I want to breakdown crying and never get up again. But no matter how many times I call for her, all the people I ask and all the places I look-

My little girl is gone.

"I just looked away for a moment-"

"You can't! Not for a second Ino!" I cry, running my shaking fingers through my hair. Tears streak my face, hot and angry but all I feel is misery. I knew something was wrong the moment I came out of that interview. One look at my best-friends face and I was screaming for my daughter. A million awful things penetrated my head in that moment. She wandered away and got lost. She got hurt and nobody can hear her screaming. Or worse somebody kidnapped her. What if I never see her again?

"Mrs. Uchiha, you need to calm down. Security is combing the premises. We have someone reviewing the tapes as we speak."

No, I have looked under every shelf, through every back door and scoured every piece of gravel. How can you find her? How can we find her? I want my little girl!

I try to stop my fingers trembling as I dial my phone. I press it against my ear swallowing down the taste of bile. It rings and rings before hitting message bank.

"_Uchiha Sasuke, you know what to do." _

Why is his phone still off?! I fumble to speak after the beep. This has to be one of a dozen messages.

"S-Sasuke it's Sakura. M-Mai's missing! She was at the Ureshii shopping mall. You n-need to get down here. _Please_."

"Mrs. Uchiha we have the recording."

I run into the security den, an officer grabbing my arm to steady me.

* * *

I see Mai and Ino sail through the store. Ino bends down to fix Mai's shoe buckle, Mai tugs on Ino's skirt to be lifted up to look at the toys. It serves to make me more distressed. I start dialling Sasuke's number again. He needs to be here. He needs to see this.

Then it happens, Ino stopping in front of a clothes store and Mai getting free from her. A man comes into the picture immediately and squats down. I press the phone against my ear with a frown. I can only see his back but... he seems... I've seen him. He's familiar.

"She goes straight over to him. He might have lured her with something."

"She seems to know him," the other officer deduces before directing his train of thought to me. "Do you know him?"

I obsess over the back of his head, his unruly dark hair. My lip quivers. Sasuke. That is undoubtedly Sasuke. Message bank goes off in my ear.

"_Uchiha Sasuke, you know what to do."_

_Oh I know what to do_, I think. _I'm going to kill you Sasuke_!

* * *

"Really bad time Naruto."

I am jogging along the road with my phone glued to my ear. Furious at the bus for being slow, taxi's for being uncooperative. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke I have spat his name over a hundred times. How could he do this and _why_? I'm going to his apartment and confronting him. I'm getting the police involved later on. How dare he!

"Why? What's going on?"

I was too upset to form the words and much too angry to speak them. I wonder if he can hear my teeth grinding on the other end? Why did he call me? I can't handle this right now.

"Anyway Sakura," he says breaking out of the stretching silence. "I'm calling you because I saw Sasuke-"

"When?" I bark out. I imagine him flinching.

"...Just 10 minutes ago," he says uncertainly as I calculate where my daughter is. "Look he asked me if he could borrow five thousand dollars. He even asked Sai for money. Is something wrong? Why would he need all that cash?"

I lost all the feeling in my body and my phone slipped from my hand and shattered to the pavement.

* * *

Sweat slicks my back like condensation on a pot lid. My sensible high heel shoes abandoned to some far off gutter as I sprint barefoot down the sidewalk. I take gaping breaths and each one hurts as my muscles scream in agony.

Because I know exactly what Sasuke would be planning to do with all that money from Naruto. He is going to skip town, disappear off the face of the earth with my daughter. He's going to take Mai and I will never get to see her again.

A car screeches to a stop and almost hits me when I sprint across the road. I don't care. I don't ease up my ungodly pace because I am close. Just one block. One more block.

I hiss when I step on a sharp rock. Blood. But it doesn't matter. I can see his parked car from here. I almost scream in joy. I'm not too late barging into the complex and running up the stairs. Somewhere I trip, chin hitting the top step and I bite down on my tongue hard. Bruised and battered I don't stop, kick off and prepare to break his door down with any means possible. Luckily I find it open and I push my way in and stop the second I see the flash of dark hair. My baby. She's staring at me. My sweet little angel.

I'm shaking so bad when I fall to my knees and pull her into a hug. I hold her so tight she fusses and wriggles in shock.

"Thank god. Thank you god," I whisper finally letting go but keeping my arms on her shoulders. She smiles when I push back her fringe. She's fine. She's here. "I love you, I love you so much," I say kissing her forehead and getting to my feet. Because there is still something I need to do. I can see the clothes thrown everywhere and the sports bag half packed. He's still here.

"Stay here darling," I tell her and somehow I just know where he is. I march into his bedroom and he is sitting on the edge of his bed, completely still. I fist my hands instinctively to try and stop the shaking, the taste of blood in my mouth fuelling rage. His back haunts me as I see him plucking my daughter away in that tape on replay.

He doesn't move. I don't think he even knows I am there. He just sits there, head down with a half packed bag of toys next to him. I stand so my feet will be in his line of vision. I am wound so tightly in my anger that the second he looks up at me I am slamming my fist in his face and kicking him in the stomach when he doubles over on the floor.

Without looking back I run to my daughter and scoop her up before sprinting out the door.

* * *

I don't stop until I get to the bus stop; I collapse down to the bench with Mai in my arms. My blackened feet hurt and I struggle to breathe in my exhaustion. I cuddle my little girl close as she is terrified and scared. What a horrible day for her. I coo to her softly, let her curl up against my shoulder and rub the back of her head soothingly. When she finally settles and I am looking into familiar dark eyes does my hysterical mind begin to function. I bite my lip in anguish and start to quiver. Her eyes widen and gently, oh so very gently, she touches my face with her tiny fingertips. Only three and she is so careful, quiet and caring towards me.

I start trembling badly when her little face droops to sadness, "What's wrong mummy?"

And I burst into tears.

* * *

**...**

**Sasuke**

**...**

"Sasuke? Can I use your shower?"

I glare at Sai as he holds up a towel. I have a terrible hangover; it feels like my brain is scraping against the inside of my skull, my stomach is aching from bottle necked abuse and worse of all I haven't even had my morning smoke. I can't handle him at this early hour, least I tear his fake smiling head off.

"Thanks!" he says brightly and he is far too chipper and presumptuous. Since when did a glare mean the go-ahead? Only in Sai world.

I groan at the sound of running water. I feel like I can hear each individual drop smashing against the tiles like a miniature explosion.

I need a cigarette.

I fish around for my lucky 7s, irritably throwing an empty box across the room and getting up. No time to find pants. Nicotine now.

Naruto groans at me from the couch, still asleep. I scour the room for my cigarettes, hissing when I realise Naruto is lying on them. He basically cries when I flip him off the couch to get them.

"Wha'?" he says in confusion. Not important.

"Why is Sai here?" I demand and jam a cigarette in my mouth before the horror set in.

Where. Is. My. Lighter?

Naruto takes one rummage through the house to recover, "You invited him remember?"

I scoff because no matter how smashed I was I know that's a lie. Sai and I don't get along. Sai _loves_ Sakura, so that makes me the devil incarnate. He has made it clear on numerous occasions it would be better for everyone if I just ended up under a fast moving truck. The search for my lighter is futile so I pad over to my stove top. I flick it on and lean over to light the tip.

"Okay technically I invited him... but you invited me and he's my boyfriend," Naruto defended and I don't care. I open my window and take a drag of my cigarette but only feel a little better. My headache is still raging. I try to remember how much promoting I did through the murky details of last night.

"You should apologise to Sakura?"

I flinched, setting him with a flint hard glare. "Why the hell would I do that?"

He gives me _that_ look. The one that reminds me he knows me better than anyone else. He's so fucking arrogant.

I puff away. "Who told you?"

"You did."

Stupid whiskey. Or was it the tequila? Who's idea was it to do shots? Whose idea was it to go out drinking at all? I vaguely notice the number scrawled across my hand. Some girl. But no matter how much I try to bury myself in the haze of last night I can't ignore the guilt I am feeling.

I bow my head against the window.

* * *

"Sasuke can I borrow your pants? Kay thanks."

I glower at Sai _already_ wearing my pants. The audacity!

I grumble. "I need those for work." He raids my fridge and I try not to imagine tearing out his spinal cord. I really do.

"You're a bartender. You can wear what you want," he sniffs. And no.

I don't bother to correct him but instead become obsessed with his message tone. It's been going off all morning. Who's he texting non-stop...

Distraction comes in the form of Naruto pointing at the number on my hand. "You gonna call her?"

No. I shrug anyway. "I don't even remember what she looks like."

"She was hot," he nods sagely. "I'd call her."

Sai makes a pathetic squawking noise. "_Excuse me_?"

So begins one of their many stupid arguments. I watch the chaos unfold before yawning. Idiots. Eventually they will figure out being in any relationship is nothing but miserable. I was unhappily married by 19. I know _all_ about it.

* * *

'Sorry' is such a small word but something I have always struggled with. If I wanted to shrink myself I would probably relate it to the fact my father never apologised for anything. Not to my mum when he hit her, my brother that he bullied and certainly not to me who he ignored completely. Being a man means never having to say you're sorry but more importantly never admitting wrong-doing.

But as I stand on Sakura's doorstep tentatively I find myself wanting nothing more than to apologise. Naruto had a point but my own mind is preparing me because I know what I almost did was incredibly hurtful. I press on the bruise around my eye finding strange comfort in the pain. I am ready.

I knock on the door and wait. The second I see her face "sorry" and if I can manage it, "It was wrong".

I keep my mouth shut in confusion when the door is only opened a crack and Mai squeezes her way out. I step forward only to have her backpack pushed out in the same manner and the door slamming.

Sakura doesn't even want to look at me. Thing is, I don't blame her.

* * *

There is a line and I have done cartwheels over it. I packed that bag but when I realised what I was doing, I unpacked it. A daughter needs her mother. Mai needed Sakura in her life. Then in a rage I started again but no matter what it played on me.

Sakura _needs_ Mai in her life.

I sort of went catatonic after that. Why should I care about Sakura? She's hurt me so much I should always be jumping at the chance to hurt her back.

"Nice?"

I watch Mai's face blanch as she chews the crabmeat in her mouth. She sticks her tongue out in disgust and I sigh. She's always hated cooked pear and egg yolk (not the white though, no clue why) but now crabmeat.

"Not nice," we decide as she spits the crab out into my hand. I rinse with water before picking up a sweet pea and chopping it. Maybe she will like this better. She bites down and I watch her eyes crinkle happily.

"Yummy!"

I lift her down from the kitchen counter. It seems dinner won't be a complete disaster. "Well that's a relief."

I pause at the heavy knock on the door. I can already tell the person on the other side despises me from the angry, purposeful thuds. So Sakura finally decided to show up 30 minutes after the usual pick-up time. Not that I'm complaining. But...

I answer the door to confirmation the universe hates me.

"Sai," I say venomously. We both fold our arms defensively and I instinctually block the entrance to my home.

"I'm here to take Mai-"

I growled at him. "Like hell you are. I don't trust you with my daughter."

Where is Sakura and what is she thinking? I have to deal with her early and now absent.

"If you would have let me finish," Sai said irritably, "I was going to say I'm here to take Mai to Sakura at the bottom of the stairs."

I didn't let the bewilderment show on my face when I finally spotted Sakura slinking into a wall. She turned away from my gaze instantly. If she's so angry she can't even talk, that's bad. Normally she doesn't shut up.

"Whatever," I retort and call to Mai. When the door shut and I was alone it became apparent who had suggested all the drinking the night before because that was all I felt like doing now.

* * *

"OI! Keep it down!"

Stupid ex-neighbour.

"Shut up Tatsuya who still lives with his mother!"

"Rich coming from Sasuke divorcing from his wife!" he hollers back.

When did this bastard get so goddamn cocky?! I have half a mind to sort him. I'm gonna go over there and smash him_. _I tried to make out his house through the dark, cursing when I almost lost my footing. Who moved the ground?

I stop and cover my eyes when light shines however. The door to my old house is open. Sakura is here.

"Sasuke?" There is disbelief and anger threaded through her voice. "What do you think you are doing?"

I glare at her in preparation.

"You're drunk," she observed with disgust.

"I'm sorry!" I bellow at her. I apologise. She knows what I really meant and looks absolutely stunned. She knows I'm sorry about almost taking Mai. Maybe it is the raw sound of my voice. My red face. I don't know. I just add an afterthought, "You bitch."

I stalk away because that's all I'm sorry for. Nothing else.

* * *

_Aww I love you guys. This story only got 40 visitors but many helpful reviews __ :) Input and support is always much appreciated. Nom de plume you make me cry. You give me such amazing critique but no way to communicate the finer details __ :( I hope the grammar changes I made to the last chapter are right. Also I want to clear up that this story will not be about a love triangle. I'm going to pick apart a once solid relationship and why it self-destructed.  
_

_I know this chapter is going to be controversial but meh. I just hope it was emotional enough. Poor Sakura :(  
_


	3. Chapter 3: Fall Out

'_Naruto' and 'Naruto Shippuden' are the property of Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo._

* * *

**MAD  
(Mutually Assured Destruction) **

**Chapter 3: Fall Out**

* * *

**...**

**Sakura**

**...**

Mai darts between the gravestones trying to find him. I can't help but smile at my mother chasing after her, red in the face and shouting about respect for the dead. Eventually we all catch each other. Subdued and harmless at this hour the bees gently rise from the flowers. Empty peace finds me when we stop. Mum takes Mai by the hand as I come down to my knees in front of his stone.

"Hey dad..." I greet.

* * *

Dad died three years ago, sudden and unfair. He had a stroke, a blood clot that made it to his brain. I remember mum calling me and then being rushed to the hospital. He held on until I got there, squeezed my hand and then he was gone. He had been waiting. Just to see me one last time. The O-bon Festival was never really that important to me. In fact I was always selfish in disliking the forced family reunions or simply enjoyed the festivities. I didn't properly honour it as a time to remember those past.

"Are you sure?" my mother repeats. I appreciate how many chances she has given me to back out. We could all turn around at any moment and it would be easier if we did.

"I'm sure."

I walk towards Sasuke's door with careful steps to avoid creasing my yukata. I'm not sure how I am feeling about his midnight visit last week but I am sure about the pain of losing someone. Sasuke needs his family in times like this. He needs his daughter.

I knock a couple of times before he answers. He sums me up in tired disbelief. With tousled hair and half-lidded eyes he clearly just woke up.

"What are you doing here?" he finally demands. I don't let his dark, throaty voice throw me.

"Do you want to come with us?"

He knows what I'm asking about but his face still mars in confusion. It's not until Mai waves at him that he seems to snap out of it.

He folds his arms arrogantly, "I suppose you want me to drive you."

I bristle because I'm not just using him for his car and _of course_ he would take it that way. I'm not even sure if I'm trying to be nice. I'm just doing what's right. "We have train tickets-"

"We're driving," he says bossily and I had forgotten how controlling he could be. Is that supposed to be a '_yes, I'll come_?' He slams the door to get changed and I am already biting the inside of my cheek in fury.

He is going to make me regret this.

* * *

The tension only increases when we get to the festival. When mum spots one of her old friends the divide begins. Both Sasuke and I want to be with Mai so a subtle war begins for her full attention.

"Look at the stars Mai!"

"What colour are the lanterns?"

"Oh look!" I say triumphantly when I spot one of the stalls. "There are fish in that pond."

"Where?" she says eagerly and we are a meter from the koi before I hear the call.

"Do you want shaved ice Mai?"

"Shaved ice!" she replied gleefully and in a flash is walking with Sasuke to a brightly coloured cart. I sulk, leaning against the wooden arch of a noodle stand. Why didn't I think of shaved ice? I look back to the entrance gate absently. Naruto, Sasuke and I used to come to this local festival every year. The walls of lanterns, dancers and pounding drums beat a memorable tempo throughout our childhood. The familiarity is not comforting when you are alone. I feel like I could get lost in the crowd of people and a part of me wants to.

I jolt when my leg is tugged and look down to see Mai. She is balancing two cups carefully and holds one out to me. "Here."

What on earth?

"Where's your father?" I ask, only taking the treat because it gives a dangerous wobble. Did he honestly get this for me?

"He said stay with you."

"Oh..."

My shaved ice melts away as I enjoy the festival with my daughter. Sasuke is nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Watching the wonderful bon odori dancers and hearing the cheers is lightening the mood of the spectators. I am not immune and if I am honest this is shaping up to be a beautiful night despite all the earlier drama. Mai is having a ball and I grin as an older girl holds her hand as they try to mimic the dance. It's a sweet sight seeing them together and I hang back from the group to keep an eye on her.

My view is ruined however when I notice Sasuke skulking in the crowd. When our eyes meet his brow pinches in disapproval before turning back. We will have nothing to do with each other.

But I'm not the only one who has spotted him.

"Daddy!" Mai calls and jumps up and down impatiently for his attention. "Daddy!"

He stops but his reluctance has nothing to do with Mai. Hands in pockets he approaches like a prowling wolf storming cattle.

"Look at me!"

Mai starts to copy the routine, her new friend following suit. Even Sasuke can't resist a small smile, side stepping me to lean against the railing and watch.

"See mummy!"

Oh no.

"Mummy?"

"Yes Mai I see you," I shout back but she is unsatisfied, craning her head around to find me. I don't want to get closer to Sasuke but really have no choice. With a sigh I walk into the shadow of stall. "Right here."

"Oh!" she says happily before waving at us both. "This is fun." Her bun has fallen out, hair a complete mess. I have half a mind to tell her to leave under the pretence of fixing it. I glance at Sasuke.

But like she said, she's having fun...

"Enjoying the festival?"

My attempt at small talk is shot down with a withering stare. I grind my teeth irritably. Yes, how dare I imply that he is capable of enjoying anything. How stupid of me.

When he rolls his eyes I have the urge to punch him right in his disagreeable face. Why is he so... ugh! We don't understand each other in the slightest. How did we even manage to get married? I tried not to fidget under his uneasy gaze. His childhood could never allow any weakness and I have lost count of all the battles we've held with our eyes alone. I used to crumble quickly but not anymore. I'll not turn away and let him think he's intimidated me.

"I was going to leave with her," he said coolly. "We would have been gone by the time you got to the apartment."

_That_ made me look away. Shocked, the joyous sounds of the festival became jarring to the gravity of his words. They wounded me deeply, mercilessly.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked shakily.

A painful silence stretched between us. The same one that had suffocated our marriage until the only semblance we had of ourselves was bore of fuming anger. I couldn't stand it.

"Why didn't you?" I finally whispered.

For once he considered me without malice, searching my expression.

"You had the perfect opportunity. What stopped you?"

Sasuke stops for no one and the second an opportunity presents itself he takes it.

After a long pause he shook his head. "She needs both of us. That day I couldn't help but think how I would feel if you took her away from me. I... I'd die."

I closed my eyes and let it all sink in. I would have died too. The honesty between us right now was so foreign it took a while for my reply to set in. "I don't ever plan on doing that. Even when we get divorced... even if I get full custody... we will work something out. A daughter needs her father so no matter our dislike for each other... you will always be part of her life."

I had been unfair in keeping this from him but it was always my intent. I would never shut him out of Mai's life completely. It would only hurt her. Sasuke was the one closing his eyes now. He opened his mouth to reply-

"There you are-" we were interrupted loudly. My mother's expression was close to horror as she looked between us. "All of you..."

I understand her completely. If I'd been told I would end up willingly talking to Sasuke (in a civilised manner at that!)I'd have laughed hysterically at the joke.

She folded her arms. "Who's hungry?"

* * *

"You know I can't stand dried Octopus."

"Do I?" Sasuke replied nonchalantly.

My mother pushed the rice around on her dish. "Well its half eatable."

"We wouldn't want you to starve now would we?"

I only half listened to them bickering, still caught up in the conversation at the dance. I pressed my hands against my mother's rough picnic blanket, trying to distract myself in the blossom detail. I wish they would float the lanterns already so I could embrace a proper distraction.

"Here," my mother huffed. "I'll get my own meal."

"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to look a gift horse in the mouth?"

"Didn't your mother ever teach you common decency and respect?"

"She did teach me to respect my elders but that doesn't include fossils like you."

That was the final straw my mother rounding on him with killer intent. Luckily they had started to float the lanterns and Mai stood between them innocently to get a better look. It diffused the situation... for now.

"Aren't they pretty?" I said to Mai who nodded in wonder. She lay back on Sasuke's lap, eyes wide in appreciation. The water looked carbon-black against the night and I found myself focusing on it's depths.

"Sakura."

I turned to Sasuke to see him gently brush Mai's straight black hair to the side; watching her in quiet phenomenon. He's hopelessly enamoured, trapped in an adoration he's held for her since she was just a tiny spec on an ultrasound.

"Thank you."

Under the pretense of ignoring him I got up and made for the water. I stopped halfway when a cool breeze blew, chilling my face. Damn him. A 'thank you' from him always meant a lot more than an 'I love you' ever could. He views that he has very little in his life to be grateful for but today I gave him something. The same way I gave him Mai. It is too the same esteem.

How can he still have this effect on me?

I was so angry when a tear rolled down my face regardless of everything.

* * *

**...**

**Sasuke**

**...**

My phone rang out just as I was pulling up to the curb. I sighed, already knowing who it was. The step monster got out of the car with a curt 'about time', unbuckling my sleeping daughter and cradling her to the house. That ungrateful woman. Next time she can just walk home with that attitude.

To my surprise Sakura stuck around. I gave her a side look. Was she blind? This is her house.

She bit her lip. "Sasuke there's something I've been meaning to ask you..."

She was clearly struggling to talk, her strained silence irritating me. I didn't hesitate to answer my phone when it rang again.

"Who's that?" Sakura said quickly and I ignored her, focusing on the caller.

"Orochimaru," I greeted.

Before Orochimaru could reply an obnoxious 'of course!' cut him off. Paired with slamming the car door Sakura stormed into the garden. She's angry and as usual for no reason. She drives me insane.

"Is that my lovely Sakura?" Orochimaru called gleefully. I narrowed my eyes at him mentioning her name and became angry myself.

"What do you want?"

"Now, now don't shout at me. You're the one who's late for work."

"It's my night off."

"Oh I'm sorry," he said, voice dripping in sarcasm. "I'll just tell our full capacity club they won't be served because it's my business partner's night off."

Things must have really kicked off. "Be there in 20." I grumbled, hanging up.

* * *

I'm almost at the bar before a large group of girls spot me. They are as persistent as radar and impossible to sneak past. One grabs me and I lament that the female species has no concept of 'personal space'.

"Sasuke!" she shouts happily over the pounding 'music' by our house DJ.

"Me," I reply before finally making it to the bar. The relief on Orochimaru and Kabuto's face was clear. He wasn't lying. The place is packed out with a long line outside promising more. _Good money_, I remind myself and _a solid investment_.

That same girl and her friends are intent on being my first customers, crowding my area. I go over to them reluctantly, taking my sweet time to set up.

"You look so hot tonight!" is bellowed in my ear when I lean in for her order. I don't acknowledge anything but utter the phrase that has made my entire career.

"You need another drink."

* * *

_I should have stuck to crushing cars_ I thought ruefully as I mopped up the floors. Who knew buying into this club would be as much of a hassle as it turned out. I was meant to turnover quickly to make a profit and forwent university so that Sakura wouldn't have to. Look where that got me.

"You missed a spot."

It was past closing time. Orochimaru is usually long gone by now but has clearly stuck around to torture me.

"This stick, your eyeball." I threaten, brandishing the end of the mop at him.

"You always were violent."

"Juvenile detention will do that to you," I retort crisply. Truthfully the orphanage was what really turned me. Couldn't trust _anyone_. Especially the caregivers.

He sighs. "That's behind you now."

I raise an eyebrow at his encouragement. He takes that as an invitation to stretch it further. "You did well tonight."

I pause and stare at him for a moment to process. Finally I decide to scowl, jam my earphones in and order him to 'get lost.'

Orochimaru is the closest thing I have to a living father figure. How depressing.

* * *

The sun is only just beginning to rise when I get my keys in the door. My house is like a cracked egg, an empty shell. Despite this I still walk across the floor quietly although not bothering to remove my shoes. I sat down on the floor cross-legged and only corrected the position when I started to feel like a little boy.

Staring at the altar before me I spun the lighter mechanically over in my fingers. It's the only thing I have left of my father, a stainless steel Zippo with a lifetime guarantee. It's more reliable than he ever was. Finally deciding I have procrastinated enough I shoved a cigarette in my mouth.

I first smoked at 7. I took my dad's unfinished cigarette from the ashtray right in front of him. I can still remember the apathetic expression on his face as he simply lit himself another, saying nothing. I only stopped because when my mother found out it made her cry. I stared at her photo, frowning.

I don't like thinking about my mother because she was perfect. All the memories I have of her are sugar-coated kindness and deluded benevolence. I lost her when she was the center of my world. So in many ways... she isn't real to me. It hurts me to look at Mai sometimes. She stole her face and worked her way to my heart with the same entitled thievery. I settle on the second photo and immediately shrink back.

Everything about black cherry cigarettes is disgusting. The smell, the taste and even the colour of the paper is vile. I only have them because they were my brothers favourite. I only smoke them because this sickly sweet, bitter smell is _him_. It's my childhood spent hanging on his every action, word and thought. Happy days spent colouring in the dinosaurs he drew me, sharing the late night snacks he made and walking out to him shaking his clothes on the porch as he tried hopelessly to hide the scent of smoke.

I'm older than he will ever be. I have the life he was denied. Still I feel so inferior to him, so undeserving. I light a second cigarette before placing it down on the altar, watching wisps spiral into the air.

"Hey Big Brother..."

* * *

MetaMirage: Hi everyone, hope I got the O-Bon festival (Obon, Bon) setting at least part way accurate and please let me know if otherwise. Anyway next update coming will be for 'Prospect' for all you interested. Reviews make the fandom world go round ;)


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